Unending Path of Mine
by Itsalltears
Summary: Everyone else was dead... The crucifiction was just the begining for the ways they would make her hurt. Unless he could get to her first.
1. The Path

Author: Zillie

Rating: PG for now…

Title: Unending Path of Mine 

Disclaimers: Lyrics are borrowed from His Majesty Ville Valo. Characters borrowed from His Lordship Joss. Boo Motherfucker I don't own crap so don't even think about it.

There is no turning back

From this unending path of mine

Serpent turning back

It stands before my eyes

To hell and back

It will lead me once more

It's all I have as I stumble in

Out of grace

___________________

      Alone... alone.. alone.. She walked alone now after all these years. Ten more years of her life had been wasted on slaying. What more was there left to protect? She was bound to this earth, while all else had moved on. , either to Heaven or taking chances on other worlds. The demons had come, over-run them, and expelled them. She alone fought to stay.

___________________

I walk through the gardens

Of dying light

And cross over rivers

Deep and dark as the night

Searching for a reason

Why time passes by

_____________________

      She looked down at herself. The blood pouring down her hands uncontrollably where the stakes had been driven through flesh and bone. Her feet could barely be dragged down this dirt and bone covered road. Pave the ways of this reborn world with the blood and bones of those who were born into it. No more could be born to this earth, no life would come from her lonely womb, so who was left to create light in this endless dark? Salt, Blood, ashes, bone and darkness. It overwhelmed her and consumed her as she dragged herself to her haven, the last home she would have. 

____________________

With every step I take

The less I know myself

And every vow I break

On my way towards your heart

Countless times I've prayed

For forgiveness

But God just laughed at my face

And this path remains

Leading me into solitude zones

____________________

He woke to a blinding pain. Why did it hurt? Where was his sire.... I guess sire wasn't the word for him anymore... His Keeper... What had happened?

"Spike..."

      "Ugh.."

"Spike.. You need to stop overwhelming yourself.."

      "Don't bloody see why not.. What's the point.."

"Spike.. We found her."

___________________

I seek through the darkness

My way back home

The journey seems endless

But I'll carry on

The shadows will rise

And day will fall

And a night turns in dawn

And after their tears they smile

All angels grieve with an envious song

When I look into strangers' eyes

And I know where I belong

____________________

      The sudden shock sent a wave of heat and power through him, giving him the strength to rise up and pull the wires and tubes from out of his body, tearing his skin. 

      "Where?"

"Sacramento"

      "But.. That means she was a..."

"Offering. Yes, but somehow she made it."

_____________________

Oh I seek through the darkness

My way back home

The journey seems endless

But I'll carry on

The shadows will rise

And day will fall

And a night turns in dawn

The Shadows

They rise and they fall

Yeah

And a night turns in dawn

At least he knew where he was going now. 


	2. Poison Girl

Chapter 2 Poison Girl  
I did it all just for her  
I did it all just for her  
and loves heart is death  
for me and my poison girl  
___________________  
'to hide from the rising dark I retreat to the darkest places.."  
Entering her haven, she took a breathe of the dark stale air. It smelt of decay, of dead flesh, of an utter absence of life. Falling next to an old wooden trunk, she fumbled with its latches and struggled to open the top. Reaching down inside, she pulled out a dirty, bloodstained dress.  
'And now I'm down to the dress she died in, Willow... forgive me for tainting the last thing that I have held sacred..'  
Her shaken hands tore it to strips and as she used the white clothe to bind the bleeding wounds of her hands and feet. Picking out splinters as she went along. It hurt almost as much as when they had drove them in. Her wrists bound in steel to the wooden cross, feet, waist and head tightly secured. They hung her on the roadside to die, using her very own weapons to hold her up. They didn't think she would have the strength or will to drag the stake through her hands, pulling it all the way through, giving her a free hand. Even if barely usable, she managed to pry herself free of the mockery of what she had once stood for.   
___________________  
A prey she was for the cruelty of love  
while its serpents inside  
crawled straight to her heart  
The coldest kiss  
love ceased to exist  
While we grew apart like never before  
I did it all just for her  
I did it all just for her  
And love wants us dead  
just me and my poison girl  
________________  
Her newly bound feet and hands carried her further down into the cave, the reek of rotting flesh grew stronger as she went deeper. She could see in the half-light her temple. Her Reminder, the world's memorial. It looked like a war zone. Thousands of corpses rotted in a huge pit. All humans, all mutilated. Each one, as they had died, she had thrown into the pit, safe from the filthy demons that wouldn't give them rest even in death. This was her duty now, her sacred mission, to protect these humbling reminders of what she once had. She would keep on with this mission until she could stand only long enough to throw herself in to join them in oblivion. This was all Buffy Summers had left of her world. A thousand rotten corpses, some of which she loved, all of which someone had. She lived in this cave like a wild animal, she was filthy, starved and alone. Reduced to eating the very beasts she hunted to sustain herself.  
"what have I become..."  
_______________  
I did it all just for her  
I did it all just for her  
And loves heart is death  
for me and my poison girl  
the fire in her eyes  
grew dim and then died  
as the poison inside reached her heart  
and the coldest kiss  
faith ceased to exist  
as we grew apart like never before  
________________  
Buffy.. My Buffy.. My blond haired goddess.. what was she like now? How was she taking care of herself? Did she still think of him? He didn't know what was happening, Angel had been reluctant to give any details. He could see the fear in his Keeper's eyes.  
'Are we going to her?'  
'Yes.. but there's somethings I have to tell you."  
'Well, what?'  
'we don't know exactly what happened in Sacramento.. It's been hit the hardest, the longest. We've been kept relatively safe because of our connections but Buffy had nothing there. Everyone else is gone. She's been alone for three years in hell basically. We know where is now but the witches are worried. Death surrounds her, Spike. Something is not right.'  
'Well let's go and find out, shall we Peaches?'  
_________________  
I did it all just for her  
I did it all just for her  
and loves heart is death  
for me and my poison girl  
________________  
From a mile away you could tell something was wrong with the place. A cave hidden in a once green valley, near the remains of a highway. Their approach was silent. The group had been kept down to just Peaches and Spike. Spike walked into the cave and felt sick, blood splattered the walls and left tracks up and down the rock strewn ground, a demon carcass lays in the corner and an old carven chest sat opposite it.

Spike hissed in recognition as he scrambled towards it, prying open the lid. Weapons, clothes, pictures and other remnants of a once normal life were scattered in it. A picture of three women caught his eye. Joyce, Dawn and... Buffy. The photos edge were tattered and covered in bloodied fingerprints. A breeze swept in the room stirring the stench from the lower caverns. The urge to gag consumed him, looking down at the picture strengthened his resolve and he stood up to head deeper yet into the cavern.

________________________

And the poison on her lips 

is the poison of a tomb

________________________

His breathe caught as the sight before him sunk in. Corpses, rotten fetid bodies, into the thousands littered the cave. All dead, except one. Matted blonde hair concealed most of her face, which itself was layered in dried blood and grime. This could not be His Buffy. The shock was visible in both men's eyes as they looked at the woman they loved. Both then rushed to her, trying to shake her awake. Eyes opened, crazed feral green orbs pierced him like a blade. She was out of their grasps as quick as lightening. Angel had prepared himself for this even as he bought the blowgun to his lips he shook with fear. He then sent the strike to bring her peace. She fell as it pierced her, in an instant on the ground quivering and silent. Spike then shook the coat from his body and wrapped it around the girl on the floor. She weighs nothing he thought as he tried no to listen to the muted whimpers from the bundle in his arms.

_____________________

I did it all just for her

I did it all just for her

And loves heart is dead for me and my Poison girl

In this poison world


	3. Beyond Redemption

Title: Unending Path of Mine Chapter 3 Beyond Redemption

Rating: PG:13 for now. The smut will come. I promise.

Pairing: Buffy/morphine so far…

Disclaimers: I don't own Buffy. Though if I would I would've soundly beaten Joss for what he has done to AtS. The Lyrics are His Majesty Ville Valo's. I wouldn't mind him soundly beating me. 

Song-fics Rock. Fuck off if you don't have an open mind when it comes to writing. There is always a possibility for creativity for even song-fics, slash, fluff and PWP. I'm still looking for it… but yah. Read some of Annie Sewell-Jennings's work if you need to renew your faith in the Fan fiction Community. She. Fucking. Rocks. While I am the stinking pit of mediocrity. Enough self-loathing. 

Oh I see your scars

I know where they're from

Fear oppressed her, the panic in her chest spread from the center of her body outward. The muscles in her fingers tensed, fingers digging into her palms. The confusion and dizziness blocked her thought. She was warm. That was the extent of her comprehension of the situation. She hadn't been warm in a long time. She relaxed her hands and felt them aching. Movement beyond that was near impossible; she was bound down in softness and swallowed in comfort. It was all so strangely alien. The refusal to open her eyes kept the illusion alive. The exhaustion that had been on the verge of consuming her for years finally caved in past her anger and will. Sleep took a hold and dragged her into his arms. 

So sensually carved and bleeding

Until you're dead and gone

The drugs drip, drip, dripped through a winding tube into the silver needle and into her bloodstream, tricking her mind into yielding. Her thoughts blurred again with the fading pain. Three times she had awoken already, if it was the passing of days or hours she couldn't tell. Faces came to her in dreams, people with looks of relief and disbelief, pain and shock, longing happiness. All her bittersweet memories, which always came to her in dreams, rendered less vivid with the drugs.

I've seen it all before

Beauty & Splendor torn

It's where heaven turns to black

And hell to white

Right so wrong and wrong so right

Now

Her body was healing. Healing the wounds that had seemed permanent. All the little changes she could feel in her body, tensing, the pulsing of her heart, the stiffness and growth of her skin and muscles. The soreness that came with the healing was almost pleasant, like the morning after being pounded into the walls of a crypt by a glittering moonlit avatar. She stretched every muscle of her body and almost smiled. Almost. 

She didn't know her situation. Right then she didn't give a damn. She could guess that whoever this was wanted to kill her. Nothing new. She waited for the usual heaviness bought on by the drugs. The impatience of a new addiction filled her anger seeped in. She didn't want to open her eyes yet!! Please god. Let me go back to sleep, make them pump me full of that shit again so I can rest… Out of frustration her eyes cracked open. Light, that's all this place is made of. I'm dead. I must be dead. Have the pretty little Angels come down to take me back to Heaven? It's been so long since she'd been here. She wondered how long her stay this time would be. 

Feel it turning your heart into stone

Feel is piercing your courageous soul

This Heaven wasn't what she remembered it to be. The feeling was back in almost all of her body. Occasionally she picked up soft feminine voices, whispering now. Every time she opened her eyes just pure white light leaking in. A white light that made her want to step into it and shut the door behind her. The voices were back again, slightly clearer. The words still didn't make any sense, but that could be because she hadn't heard a human voice in so long.

            _'Good-bye Buffy..'_

_'You'll get to come soon! I'm sure of It.'_

_            'See you in Heaven, friend.'_

Ringing in her ears, voices screaming, crying, chanting, consoling, hushed moans. Every voice she had heard in her life rang in her ears. A scream welled up in her throat and joined the other noise that wouldn't stop. Through it all, the welcome press of the needle and the heaviness, sleep and silent dreams it bought. Thank you pretty little needle…

You're beyond redemption

And no ones going to catch you when you fall

The next time she woke up it was better. Much too real for her liking, but better. More solid…. Things had lines forms and depth. She was aware of being lifted, carried by gentle strong arms. The sound of water running… She was set down into lukewarm water. Though it scalded and burned and made her want to try and peel back her skin to make it stop hurting. 

The same strong gentle arms that carried her soon used their hands to start scrubbing at the stains on her skin. Some times they scrubbed so hard it hurt, on her injuries it was delicate, on her breasts and abdomen just the barest whisper. The hands and arms were nervous, shaken like they knew naught to do with this filthy little creature in their grasps. The cleaning process went on forever as the water was changed many times and she was finally dried by a soft towel with millions of little fibers absorbing the water off her skin. She tried to find whom the strong gentle arms and hands belonged to, but it was just another big white blur in her vision. 

Oh I see you crawl you can barely walk

Back to rest, back to bed, back to the needles and the pretty quiet dreams. Before the happy sleep was induced, she heard weeping. So quiet she could barely hear it over the usual noise in her head. Whispered consoling murmurs of something that sounded like her name. Someone knew her name. This time she struggled to maintain consciousness. She wanted to know whom it was who knew her name… This.. Wait.. No.. The curiosity wore out and she rested, unaware of the haunting eyes that wept for her or the slight brush of a hand on her skin.

And arms wide open

You keep begging for more

She dreamt of hands. Hands that were strong and prevailing. Wielding the anger and conviction of the gods. They were her hands, as they were a long time ago. Before the

Scars malnourishment, and the endless struggle. Back in a time when she had pretty smelling lotion to soften her calluses. Band-Aids and Neosporin to heal the wounds before they turned to scars. Fingernails that were a vanity, and painted endless colors and glued to plastic bits and pieces, only to be ruined the same night by the endless struggle for her life. Her hands weren't soft anymore, the holes in them made her fingers shake when she tried to use them. The nails were used more for digging than any sort of display, unless you counted the demon blood under the tips. Which she did. Her hands held her power; they were her greatest tools, at times her only one. 

            Her dream was soon full of other peoples' hands. Bony, pale, soft, strong, some as callused as hers from combat, others from just labor. She guessed there were no more soft hands anymore. There was not enough tenderness in the world anymore for that. 

I've been there knocking at the same door

It's where hate turns to love and love to hate

Faith the doubt and doubt to faith

There was a room now, with the precisely placed corners and flat soft walls. She wore a flimsy white gown and soft cloth binding over half of her injured body. The nurse said a Lady was coming in to see her, to talk to her. The brunette woman named Annette was a vampire. She never smiled. The look in her eyes said she would rather eat Buffy than tend to her. But even the small illusion of humanity the vampire had was a light in the darkness. She left in a hurry, locking the door behind her. Annette wouldn't tell Buffy anything. Not a word wasted on her to give information. She was in a hospital.  That was it. Her drug-addled fantasies of heaven were brought down to the mundane.  She couldn't sleep without the needle anymore. Sometimes they forgot to bring it to her and she pounded the walls with fist and foot until preternatural hearing picked up her desperation. The nurse would walk into the room and harshly grad her arm, tying plastic around the upper half of her arm, carelessly shoving the needle into the bruised delicate skin. She would sigh and fall to the floor, the white walls and Annette speeding to a haze. 

That's how she slept. During the say her hands shook and her palms sweated. It was the pain she insisted to herself. And that was convincing for a long time.

            Finally the Lady came, on a day when the shaking wasn't as bad and she could concentrate enough to exercise. Her door opened to let in a luminous skinned seraph. She walked to Buffy with an easy grace and tapped her on the shoulder. Instinct propelled her to whirl to a crouch and flatten herself to the wall. 

'Do not be frightened'

'You're here to talk to me right?'

            'I am here with the answers to many of your questions.'

Feel it turning your heart into stone

Feel it piercing your courageous soul

The words coming out of the Lady's.. creature's … whatever's mouth refused to sink in. hospital. Rescue. Angel. Los Angeles. Safe. William?. Angel. Death. Morphine. Safe. Heal. Battle. Angel. ANGEL! Angel.. Still alive and well. The last sanctuary for those demons and other assorted creatures, who didn't particularly like what was happening in the world. Weren't exactly all out for the Apocalypse. Really. Wasn't in their best interests. This was the Last Stand. Angel, he was in charge. No, there weren't any other humans, well one but that was arguable. 

            She couldn't grasp this. That he had rescued her, that there was still some good (?) in the world. The woman let to let her deal with the shock. Would he come to see her? She wanted desperately to talk to him. But… that he had seen her There like That.. Oh God.. She could've handled it if he hadn't, but he did. She couldn't live with this. It was for survival. It had to be acceptable. He had to understand! Sleep… the needles came again.

You're beyond redemption

And no ones going to catch you when you fall


End file.
